i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Mom said you looked used
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
