We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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