I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
