too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
