Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
