Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we're so committed to being not committed
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