How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
