You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
