Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
