I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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