its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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