the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
