today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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