Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
