She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish you could order shots online.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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