my vag is so smooth its legendary
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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