I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
