so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
