ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
