Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
