shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
