Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
