3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
