I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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