i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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