My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
