Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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