Just fell off a train. Bad.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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