Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
