I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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