Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
