just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
BRING THE BAGELS
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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