I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
