Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
