I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
