Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
