i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
