She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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