Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
