Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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