I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
