and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
