dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
