I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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