im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
