Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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