She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
