i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I touched a dick in church today
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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