We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
