You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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