how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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