I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I look better un-naked...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
