Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
