I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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