so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Green mimosas i think yes
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
